The fridge lock broke the other day. Yes, the fridge lock that I was certain I'd never need because I had control of my kids and they will obey. The fridge lock we have now bought out of necessity and apparently still need. We also need a pantry lock and a stove lock. Yes, swallowing some pride over here.
I was tired of it today and frankly I just wanted to be grumpy: the eggs, the sassy mouth, the sibling squabbles, the constant demands of mothering. And today they felt like demands, not because they were but because I stopped singing for a bit. I was pouting. I just wanted some silence. David was gone for the day, the entire Saturday, woe is me. Ridiculous pity party looking back on it. But these are real moments and I've promised myself I wouldn't butter them up.
The day wasn't even all bad: there were calm moments and times that I could see sweet moments without searching. Then David came home quick to pick the big kids up for church, and he was running behind. I was frustrated, and they had to leave to get to church on time while I had unmet expectations for how the day was going to go. And I threw a bit of a fit myself, crying on the bed because really it was a long, long week and I'm just tired and I just wanted a few minutes of quiet and I didn't get it. Today, I was tired of trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps and sing.
And then I was reminded of a sweet friend who left a comment for me on Facebook the other day. Reminding me that God is the God who sees even when no one else does.
And somehow, God turned the day on its head, and it wasn't something I tried to do. I was resigned to an early bed time and trying again in the morning, but instead took a walk with GH. We went to dinner, and he drank out of straw for the first time. I wish you could have seen the shock and surprise in his eyes when he finally had success (we've been working at this for months). We shared a hamburger and fries, he left me the pickles, we giggled on the walk home, the weather was gorgeous, the kids had a great night at church, David was volunteering and I love his servant heart. And you know what friends, I'm still tired, and yes there is joy, but it's not singing through me so easily today. So what has brought me joy and hope? No, there wasn't something I did that changed things, or a magic prayer. God just redeemed the day and my attitude, because He sees, and He is good.